it was christmas?

and so another christmas has come and gone - which means that my blog is approaching two years old now, come march. and it also means that i got christmas presents. the most exciting of which include:

and...

 ... the Dreamy Diana Lens at the Photojojo Store

as well as...

... and various other pieces, including, but not limited to, a burt's bees lip balm, two necklaces, a book about U2, various chocolates, two christmas activity books (mom's idea of a joke?), and a book about good decisions from one of my grandmothers.

altogether, it was a good christmas. lots of time with the family and stuff.

oh yeah and i have another wisdom tooth coming in. ugh.

50 things you won't even care about.

1 . What time did you get up this morning?
6 am

2. How do you like your steak?
More rare than not.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Dawn Treader in 3D

4. What is your favorite T.V show?
Firefly. NICS. Castle. Eureka.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Somewhere warm and awesome and full of mountains.

6. What did you have for breakfast?
Didn't eat breakfast today.

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Depends on my mood. Italian's a pretty safe favourite though. Or Indian.

8. What foods do you dislike?
Broccoli. Cauliflower. Eggplant. Brussels sprouts. Chickpeas.

9. Favourite place to eat?
Don't really have a favourite. I'll eat wherever I'm in the mood for.

10. Favorite dressing?
Caesar.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
I don't drive - yet.

12. What are your favorite clothes?
Black. And awesome.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
Wales. Sweden. The Netherlands.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
That begs the question, why does the cup even have to contain anything at all?

15. Where would you want to retire?
Scotland? Maybe?

16. Favorite time of day?
Daytime.

17. Where were you born?
Kamloops.

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
I don't like sports. But I'll watch hockey every now and again.

19. Something you regret?
Not being more careful.

20. What are you wearing right now?
Pink paisley pajama pants, black pajama shirt with The Beast on it, black hoodie, black slippers with toes on them from last night's ninja costume.

21. One thing you know way too much information about?
Corsets.

22. Bird watcher?
Not really.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Morning, definitely.

24. Pets?
Soon going to live with two cats - but they will not be mine.

25. Any new and exciting news that you'd like to share?
Not really.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
An author, a gymnast, a singer, and an astronaut.

27. What is your best childhood memory?
I don't know. I think most of my childhood was my best memory of my childhood.

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
Cat. Defs.

29. Are you married?
Single. Again. Never married though.

30. Always wear your seat belt?
Yep.

31. Been in a car accident?
Yes, when I was an infant - mom ran into a ditch and the cops thought I had a serious head injury cos I used to have a big red birthmark on the back of my head.

32. Any pet peeves?
Bad spelling, bad grammar, things not being in tune, people who hang over my shoulder, tone-deafness, annoying and unending beeps.

33. Favorite pizza topping?
Ham & pineapple.

34. Favorite flower?
Daisies, roses, lilies, orchids.

35. Favorite ice cream?
Cookie dough.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
A&W.

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Have failed 3 times now, but I refuse to fail a fourth time.

38. From whom did you get your last email?
The Isaaks.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Gibbous Fashions (if an online store is allowed).

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
Does drinking too much at last night's party count?

41. Like your job?
It's a job...

42. Broccoli? Cauliflower?
Neither!!

43. What was your favorite vacation?
Never really had a vacation as such. So no answer.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Rebekah.

45. What are you listening to to right now?
Death and All His Friends - Coldplay

46. What is your favorite color?
Black.

47. How many tattoos do you have?
One.

48. Coffee drinker?
No. Defs tea.

49. How many children do you have?
Zero.

50. Your favourite guilty pleasure or indulgence?
Sour gummy candies.

somehow

i promised myself i wouldn't
i did my damnedest
but somehow
somewhy
i cried anyways

it's been so so long
i lost track of the days
but somewhere
in there
i still miss you

i try my hardest not to
i do my best not to care
but sometimes
sometimes
i still think of you

and when i saw you
after so long
somehow
somewhy
i cried anyways.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

it snew. in november. who knew.

a tasty thing i made

too late for lemonade.

life threw me a lemon but i don't know whether to make lemonade with it or throw it across the room and hope it goes through a window on its way out the door, so i sit here and watch it moulder on the table and i wonder what to do with it, because in all honesty the mold is making quite a pretty blue-green-and-white garden on my poor little lemon, but on the other hand i'm afraid the spores'll make me sick and then i'll catch pneumonia and die, and then where will i be? so i really ought to throw the poor lemon away, i think, but i really have grown quite atttached to it. maybe i'll freeze it in carbonite, then i'll have it forever - or maybe i can paint a portrait of it sitting there, and THEN i'll throw it out. i'll decide later. for now, i'll just watch it moulder.

because i have now found a practical way to post blogs without a computer :)

... i can email blogs to you lot on my phone! win!

so. guess what i did last night?
went to see the new harry potter movie - in the new galaxy theatre in chilliwack, the one that's next to the superwalmart. and was it good?
Oh. My. Gosh. it was freaking fantastically Epic Win. i've been annoyed with some of the previous movies and their so-called adaptations - but this one was the closest to the book of any of the other ones, AND it was a good movie. everyone laughed at all the right parts, and clapped after dobby's speech, and so on. and it was generally just brilliant. the end.

also - snow in the fraser valley in november? unheard of.

i'm not you.

you can't see me
you can't hear me
hiding behind your normalcy
you don't look for me
you don't care about me
scared that i might give you honesty

you can ask me why
don't be shy
i'll give it to you straight
if that bugs you
i won't pity you
i got other things on my plate.

and honestly
i'm happier
without your petty bitching
so shut your face
don't slander me
your life's not mine, and i'm not you.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

nothing.

what is this?
it's a noose for your own neck.
what is it made of?
it is woven from choices you've made.
why?
because mistakes are never forgotten.
what did i do to deserve this?
nothing.

what is this?
it's a deadly poison, tailored just for you.
what is it made of?
the bitterness and anger of others towards you.
why?
because mistakes are never forgotten.
what did i do to deserve this?
nothing.

what is this?
it's your death.
what is it made of?
fear, anger, and hopelessness.
why?
because your pain is never forgotten.
what did i do to deserve this?
nothing.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

working at tim hortons

... has been interesting. i've learned a lot of stuff very quickly. for instance, they stuck a drive-through headset on me today - and it's only my fifth shift there. however - i simply must tell you about the best customers i've had yet in my five shifts working there. they came to my till this afternoon. i would say they were about in their late 40s/early 50s. they told me it was the first time they had ever been in a tim horton's. when i expressed surprise, they explained that they were from south of the border, and were here on a visit from florence, oregon, and just could not leave canada without visiting a tim horton's - so as to have the full canadian experience, of course. so we had a great time. she had a small ice capp, he had a small coffee with cream, and they took a box of ten assorted timbits as well. and they paid with american money - he thought it would just go $1-$1, but i explained there was a button for USD, that did the exchange for us, and he thought that was pretty neat. so yeah. i enjoyed serving them. and i hope i made their first tim horton's experience a good one. and yes, i know that sounds dreadfully cheesy. but i mean it. so there.

oh, i'm the type of girl that likes to roam around ... ?

so way back a couple of weeks ago i had an interview/tryout at a little inn as housekeeping staff. basically the head housekeeper took me around a room and showed me how they clean it, then had me do a room by myself. so i found out the other day that i get paid for that, cos i was kind of technically working for them. so i got my check this afternoon. only 12.75, but heck, any money's good right now. in the bank it went, and then i was going to use it to go pick up some stuff that i needed. so i'm waiting to cross a street, and this guy with wonky teeth comes up to me.

guy: are you going this way?
me: yes i am.
guy: i'm going to tim horton's. [waves a fistful of coinage at me] where are you going?
me: i don't really know where i'm going. [meaning, "i haven't made up my mind where i'm going to pick up the stuff i need."]
guy: you mean like you're a wanderer?
me: [chuckling to myself] i guess you could say that.
guy: it's funny how people don't know where they're going. wanderer is my word for people who don't know where they're going.
me: it's a good word. [cycles off as the light changes]

it seems to be my luck, to have oddball conversations with guys with odd teeth. see "apparently i'm ... impressive." "and .... viciously gorgeous." for previous examples. now not only am i impressive, i'm a wanderer. an impressive wanderer? um... okay. [insert expressive shrug here]

a different sort of post.

so in various blog posts so far, i have told you about things i've seen, things i've heard, things i've done, things i've thought about, things i've thought, etc. but i've never written a blog post about this before...

what i smelled today.

today i smelled waffles
and coffee, lots and lots of coffee
doughnuts and fresh bread
bathroom sanitizer (yech!)
hot tarmac
green leaves in the sunshine
blackberries
sweaty people and sweaty people's deodorants
tea tree oil (i think one of my new coworkers uses tea tree oil shampoo or something)

i want to go back to bed now.

so it's been a while since i last posted any real kind of update.

 i'll start with the easy stuff -
my grandma got married on saturday, it was a sweet little wedding/reception/thing, and now she's off to the USofA for her honeymoon.
which leads into the next thing:
everything of mine is going back in boxes! that's right, i'm moving again, but i'm staying in the wack. i just got a job at Tim Horton's on friday and it's two minutes from where i will be living, so that's perfect.

less easy -
it's caused a bit of agitation and disquiet in certain quarters, but i'm purchasing a microKORG for use in our band. no, the quarters are not in the band. and if the quarters read this: no, i haven't changed my mind, and i'm not going to. it costs less than my DSLR did. so chill.

even less easy -
psalm 91 band had to say goodbye to two of our members. our bass player and our backup vocalist have decided to move on. blessings to you, chris and nicci, we all love you very much.
on the upside, jeremy has rejoined the band on bass; he was the original bassist from the cd and knows all the songs. had a couple of practices last week with him and it went so easily, and we all get along really well together - me, rich, jeff, leanne, and jeremy. it's pretty awesome.

so there it is, and here i am, and life goes on.

♥

And you have a privacy policy why?

To whom it may concern:

I have a serious complaint to make.
Recently I began receiving newsletters from your company. To my knowledge, I have never signed up for your website or your newsletters, and nor did I ever want to. The only reason that comes to mind that could possibly explain why I inexplicably began receiving what I can only think of as SPAM would be that about two months ago I dropped off a resume at a Bluenotes location in the Cottonwood Mall in Chilliwack, BC, where I live.
In my mind, dropping off a resume is merely an application for work, NOT a request to have my address (whether email or physical) given out for gratuitous and uninvited mailings. I feel highly displeased that my information would be abused in such a manner, and as a result, I will no longer be shopping at any Bluenotes locations.
Please remove my email address from your mailing list immediately.
Thank you.

and .... viciously gorgeous.

as a post-script to my last blog:
my good friend jessi came out to see me today. i met her at the bus station after the incident in my last post. i told her what happened, and as we were waiting to cross a street, who should come up behind us but No-Front-Teeth Sunglasses Guy.

guy: i know you, we talked earlier! what was your name again?
me: i never introduced myself. i'm lizzi.
guy: [fists out] i just have this urge to smack everyone i meet. but i talked to you, you're cool. [to jessi] you're cool too, what's your name? [pause] i own chilliwack. but not this part. but i'm working on taking over.
me & jessi: [smothered laughter]
guy: i'm also working on becoming absolutely viciously gorgeous.
me & jessi: [more laughter]
[light changes, we cross the road, laughing the whole way]

apparently i'm ... impressive.

well that was mildly creepy and somewhat amusing.
i was walking down a bike path, all gothed out, long black coat and eyeliner, and these two Native guys are walking towards me. one of them had sunglasses and missing front teeth, and as i'm walking past, this is what happened.
guy: hi
me: hi. [keeps walking]
guy: [stops me] you look ... impressive.
me: thanks. [tries to keep walking again.]
guy: you're so ... impressive. [pauses] my name is Chico186 and i'm impressive too. i own the city.
me: [mildly amused] i see.
guy: i like your eyes. do you like my eyes?
me: i can't see your eyes behind those sunglasses.
guy: [takes off his sunglasses, his eyes are all unfocussed, and he's got a black eye] battle. i've been in fights.
me: i see.
guy: i like you. maybe we should ... go for yogurt. or something.
me: [getting a little wary] i really don't have the time right now.
guy: but you're so ... impressive. and i really like you. i want to get to know you. [pauses] do you want to get to know me?
me: i'm sorry. i appreciate the compliment but i'm busy and i really have to go.
guy: okay. but you look so impressive. i really want to get to know you.
me: [walks away]

here i am.

so here i am,
i'm completely lost
and totally confused.
you're shadow-boxing
and fighting with ghosts
and it does no good
it solves nothing.

i want to comfort you
i want to help you
but i don't know how.
all i know is
i don't see the real you yet.
i see the layers
that you cover yourself with.

i can't fix you
for you.
that's not my job.

all i can do
is stand here
waiting for you
to be ready to be real.
so here i am.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

this WAS going to be a poem, but i changed my mind.

so just a quick update.
psalm 91 had a show in vancouver on saturday, it went pretty well, we get a video and an EP out of it, so that's cool.
i'm currently in a multitude of dilemmas, including one about where i'm going to live, and one about what i'm going to take at school, and one about what i'm going to do for a job, and one about what i'm going to do for transport (car???? driver's licence?????????? ehhhhh..... ), and the list goes on. so yeah.
jeff and i are coming up to one year dating, in a week - woot! love you jeff!
also, i got a new hole through my face on wednesday last week - i have a lip ring, bottom right. i WILL post pictures as soon as i can get my camera hooked up to a computer. have patience.
and yeah, i think that's about it for now.
love you all.

a project for a friend

lucky.

your breath is warm on my neck
as i shiver in the cold;
your hands are warm on my skin

i drink you in with my eyes
studying every pore in detail
i think you're incomparably wonderful

how am i so lucky?

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

humpty dumpty sat on the wall

i feel like an ant, trying to carry the world on my back, but it's getting all tangled up and i keep tripping over it, and all the eggs that i'm not allowed to count just keep cracking into pieces like glass bottles, and there's no use crying over spilt milk when the bottles break, cos you can't put it back in, it's like humpty dumpty, all the men in the king's service couldn't fix him, well, you can't fix me either, cos i'm shattered to bits and i'm lost in a tunnel that i can't see the light at the end of.
it's dark, dark, dark, and i can hear a train coming, i can feel the vibration in the tracks, and there's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, i can't get away, it's coming, and i'll be smashed into pieces, squished like an ant on the sidewalk, poor little ant, it's just trying to do what it knows best and then it gets squished by some careless person's foot, stomping around like an enormous elephant.
and here i am, all in pieces just like that, and i'm still trying to carry the world, but it keeps slipping and falling and rolling down the hill, and i have to run all the way back and pick it up and try to drag it all the way up the hill again, like pails of water, but they keep spilling, and so i have to go all the way back to the well to fill them up first, it's way too much effort for this one task, but i can't help it if they decide to run off and make things difficult for me, it's the dish and the spoon all over again, and what do i do?
i'm trying to paint but it keeps going everywhere but on the canvas, my brushes are falling apart, my paint's drying up, my canvas is torn, everything's old and useless here, and i have no reason to keep trying, cos i know humpty's just going to break again, and the ant's just going to get squished again, and i keep tripping over the tangled-up world on my back.

the "i've come to realize" meme

1. I've come to realize that my chest-size - is just right for me (though i sometimes prefer it were bigger :P )

2. I've come to realize that my job - is not the same as my career.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving - i need to make decisions faster.

4. I've come to realize that I need - to think before i speak.

5. I've come to realize that I have lost - some of my child-like wonder.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when - i get interrupted and can't say what i need to say.

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk - i will not drive anywhere!

8. I've come to realize that money - is frustrating and annoying.

9. I've come to realize that certain people - will never change.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always - be in charge of my own decisions.

11. I've come to realize that my siblings - are kind of nice sometimes.

12. I've come to realize that my mom - makes the best food in the world!!

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone -  is not as important as i wish it was.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning - i could have made a bunch of better decisions.

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep - i was very very very exhaustedly tired.

16. I've come to realize right now I am thinking - that i hope i won't be in too much trouble later.

17. I've come to realize that my dad - was right about a bunch of stuff.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook - i tend to spend way too much time on there.

19. I've come to realize that today - i got a lot accomplished.

20. I've come to realize that tonight - might not go the way i wish it could.

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow - has a lot of potential for good or for bad.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to - get a really truly tat.

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost to this is - ... well, i don't know if anyone will "repost this" cos this isn't a facebook note, it's a blog post, so i can't tag anyone.

24. I've come to realize that life - is harder and more complicated now than it was when i was a child.

25. I've come to realize that this weekend - is going to be a lot of not fun.

26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset - is We Are The Fallen or Dommin or Demon Hunter or My Chemical Romance or something dark like that. it helps.

27. I've come to realize that my friends - are the best in the world.

28. I've come to realize that this year - is going to be crazy.

29. I've come to realize that my ex(s) -  ... i don't have any!

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should - listen and think before i speak.

31. I've come to realize that I love - my jeff.

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand - why.

33. I've come to realize my past - formed who i am now, but it doesn't have to control me in the future.

34. I've come to realize that parties - with my friends are really fun.

35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified - of doing or saying the wrong thing.

36. I've come to realize that my life - could be really really awesome, depending on my choices.

hope

your shadow covers me
your eyes haunt me
take me out of the valley
of darkness and despair

you stand before me
you reach out to me
you offer me hope again
when i have none of my own

your arms are holding me
your smile comforts me
i don't understand
how you can love me so

i am fallen
yet you love me
your arms are open
waiting
i am broken
yet you fix me
your arms are open

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

safe again

i have nothing left to give
empty and alone
and here i am again
following a distant shape

your arms are far away
i can't get there on my own
come and help me
i'm lost in the wilderness

only you can find me,
only you can bring me home
only you can hold me here, safe again

you call me, you beckon me
i can hear you, so faintly
please hold my hand
because i'm drowning here

only you can find me
only you can bring me home
only you can hold me here, safe again
safe again

your love is
the only thing
that keeps me
alive and breathing
your love is
the only thing
i need

only you can find me
only you can bring me home
only you can hold me here, safe again
safe again

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

thought for the day:

who am i?
and has anyone seen my sanity recently? i think i mislaid it.

boxes boxes boxes boxes boxes boxes going crazy boxes boxes boxes.

further updates on the moving:

so close to done being packed, you might as well say i am packed.
at present i'm in the stage of "this room has dust in every corner you can think of and it's really embarrassing so i think i will move the furniture around and vacuum it properly."

also, this week seems to be the week for interviews. first superstore on wednesday, and then tim hortons on friday. so i'll be out there for 9.30 tomorrow morning.

and i am taking photos of my room in progress of being packed (of course i am! i take photos of EVERYTHING!) so i'll be popping those up on my flickr and making a mosaic for y'all in the next little while - it may take some time cos of i don't know what internet access will be like for me. but at some point you can all see the evolution of room from clutter to box.

in other news, my hair is driving me up the fucking wall. i'm trying (TRYing being the operative word here) to grow it out - and at present it's in that stupid and awkward stage where it's too long to look cute, but too short to stick in a ponytail, and DEFINITELY too short to look good down. if it weren't that i'm actually growing it out on purpose, i would take the clippers and shave it down again. cos this is very annoying, and i can't imagine what possessed me to cut it. ever. argh. don't you love when you do something and then you regret it after? i know *I* do.

anyways, bedtime. have to get some rest before my interview. otherwise i'll not be entirely awake, and i'll pull a Jayne - "we applied the cortical electrodes, but were unable to get a neural response!"
night, all! ♥

prose of the day

so a bit of a life update.

didn't manage to move out last weekend - but i have a job interview out there tomorrow, so (if i get the job) i'm going to have to move this weekend for sure.
yeah - superstore. as a cashier. heh. should be interesting. yep.

in other news, have fallen in love with a couple of bands recently - Dommin and We Are The Fallen.
i heard about both bands from some friends who went to a HIM concert at which Dommin and We Are The Fallen were also both playing.
We Are The Fallen is interesting because three out of five band members are originally from Evanescence, but who left or were kicked out, as the case may be. so yeah. check out the linkies i linked. yes.

and i think that's about it. love you all, i'm outta here. got more packing to do! ♥

one plus one

how do you quantify meaning?
how do you measure a word?
how do you explain the sum of what you say
plus what you mean?
and why is there a difference?
there are only words and more words.
so then how can you say what you mean,
when every word means something different
to another person?

blue means blue, but it may not mean the same shade
to you
as it does to me.
more so with abstract thoughts
like love
and death
anger, shame, greed
fear and frustration
yours and mine

black and white blur to grey
nothing's solid where words are involved
and "you" and "i" are not twins
only cousins
and the endless horizon goes right round the earth
til it ends where you're standing.
when does black stay black, and white stay white?
where is the line between one word and another?
it's a line in the sand, blurry at best,
and it blows away at the lightest breath of air.

how do you quantify meaning?
there is no rule.
no hard and fast one-plus-one makes two
and so the line gets blurred
and i get confused
i see a mud puddle
where another sees a crystal
and vice versa.
so then how can you say what you mean,
when every word means something different
to another person?

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

clinging

so lost.
so helpless and confused.
swimming through an ocean
of unfamiliar territory.

ashamed.
betrayed and cut open.
all my faults and fears
are violently exposed.

in pain.
sick with these regrets.
playing this game called life
and i'm losing it.

so i cling
to the one who knows me best
to the one who's always here
the rock that holds me safe
i cling, and i pray that you'll be there
that you'll catch me if i fall
that your arms will hold me.

i'm hurt.
uncared-for and neglected.
injured by the words they said
i was left here to bleed.

so scared.
afraid of what might come
i'm wandering alone here
among these dark shadows.

so i cling
to the one who knows me best
to the one who's always here
the rock that holds me safe
i cling, and i pray that you'll be there
that you'll catch me if i fall
that your arms will hold me.

so here i stand
i'm broken and in pain
please cover my shame
heal my pain
keep me near you,
don't ever let me go,
never let me go

and i cling
to the one who knows me best
to the one who's always here
the rock that holds me safe
i cling, and i know that you'll be there
that you'll catch me if i fall
that your arms will hold me.
oh, hold me

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

roads

i seem to be caught
a fork in the road
there's two ways out -
which to choose? left or right?

on one hand
and on the other
i know where i want to be
but how do i get there?

if i choose that road or if i choose this,
which one's the right way? i can't see past this mist
i'm so lost, so lost and afraid
i can't see


it's like i'm all alone here
with no map to help me
but i have to decide
and there's no turning back.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

domestication?

so what with mom being in pride and prejudice (yes, that's her in the blue spencer and bonnet, playing Lady Lucas beautifully!) - that leaves me and my sister to the cooking a lot of the time - which almost never happens otherwise :P love you mom!

anyhow, with my sister being at work now (tim hortons!) - that leaves me more often than not in the kitchen ... so here i am, a-chicken-soup-makin'. and rice pudding, too, of which there's only one photo, and which turned out tastier than the soup.

oh yes, and photo credits to my brother.

and in other news, i failed my N driving test. also, i'm trying to move out of my parents' house. yeah. i turned twenty last week monday - happy birthday to me - and i'm figuring it's time to get myself out and be independent for a while. so i'm going out to my grandma's house a town away (coicidentally, the same town my boyfriend lives in XD) and i'm going to try to find a job out there. wish me luck. the move date (yet to be confirmed with grandma, so it may change) is hopefully to be May first. ... here we go!

so. um. news in the life of lizzi.

well. let me see.

i booked my road test yesterday, it's on monday, at 2.30 in the afternoon, and i'm nervous as hell; but if i pass first time, it means i can finally drive by myself! yes! that would make me so happy.

have been applying for jobs all over the place - tim horton's, petcetera, superstore, staples, warehouse 1, the list goes on. called some places back just five minutes ago, and man do i ever hate making phone calls!! i get all shaky and nervous. not so good. but at least i kept from saying anything completely dumb - win!

and yeah i think that's about it. i'm going to go see one of my teachers from school playing music at a cafe tonight, i think - good old mr taylor. "whatcha talkin' 'bout, willis?" :P

painting dumpsters?

Hello,
My name is Elizabeth Klassen. I just saw your Industrial Painter job posting, and I would like to apply for this position.
I have researched your company, and being the recipient of several art awards while in high school, I feel confident that I can paint dumpsters and fencing with the best of them.
I have attached my resume as a pdf file.
Thank you for your time.

not a crisis

you blink once, twice, and find
that life has changed again
what you once thought was safe, familiar
is a blank spot on your map.

you turned around and got surprised
it's not what you expected it to be
a mountain got up and moved overnight
what's your knowledge worth now?

let go of what you thought you knew,
take a deep breath, don't be afraid
it's a new experience, it's not a crisis
take the adventure that's here

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

morphine

tranquilize me
so i can pretend
like i'm not here any more

give me a drug
i'll hide away
i promise, i'm not here.

i won't be here any more
i'll leave you well alone
drug me up and let me be
don't worry about me, i'm fine.

anesthetize me
so i can pretend
like i don't feel any more

please sedate me
i'll stay in the corner
i won't bother you again

i won't be here any more
i'll leave you well alone
drug me up and let me be
don't worry about me, i'm fine.

numb me now
knock me out
dope me up
desensitize and
medicate me
i'll pretend,
i'll hide away

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

thunderstorm.

it's traffic jam meets tornado
a foreign language all its own
you're melting down despair
with a good dash of confusion
and i'm stuck in the tar you've made

somehow my message got lost in the sea
i clean my glasses but still i can't see
your thunderstorm is still smashing my trees

only the distance that i've created
saves me from the disease
but it's like a double-edged sword
cos now i'm all alone with your pain
and i'm stuck in the cage i've made

somehow your message got lost in the sea
i clean my glasses but still i can't see
and my thunderstorm is smashing your trees

go away
i can't take any more
no, no, come back
i'll live
i'll live
i'll live and
your thunderstorm is smashing my trees

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

happy birthday to me!

well.... not really to me; more accurately, to my blog. yes, that's right. today is my blog's first birthday. and i was hoping to have something special for it, but that will have to come later. for now, my special thing will have to be the news that jeff and his family have found a house! yay! it's a sweet house, too.

so yeah. that's about it. and my special birthday treat will have to wait a while. but it's coming, i promise!

she's going to take my pawn...

a small child of my acquaintance sat down this evening to play chess with a 30-year-old doll of her acquaintance named Albertina. it was an amusing sight.

14th of march....

happy Pi day, everyone!

seven days

i had a week. it was weekish. with, you know, days of the week.

let's see. went to choir on monday; had people over for dinner on tuesday; saw jeff on sunday, tuesday, and thursday - i could get used to that; saw alice in wonderland (3D!!!) on sunday and wednesday; went on a walk to the park and took photos on wednesday; i applied for a job on thursday; oh yeah and i have to do my taxes tonight.

fun part about THAT is, i was supposed to sit on the phone with revenue canada for an unspecified but definitely long period of time to get my access code so i can do my taxes online - EXCEPT that ....

.... you're not allowed to do it online if it's the first time ever doing taxes.
which, imo, is rather retarded.
so now i have to do the paper version. woot.

and soy-wax candles leak vegetable oil. or something. cos you needed to know.

this is the response i got........

Thank you for expressing an interest in joining our _________ team. This is an automated response.

Be advised that your application is being forwarded to that store for consideration by the Store Owner or Manager. At the present time, most stores in the lower mainland are currently hiring.

In any event, your application will be retained in our files. Due to the overwhelming amount of applications we receive, only those applicants that are being considered for positions will be contacted.

Once again thanks for expressing an interest with us.

once again...

Last person you called?
my dad

Is there anybody you're disappointed in right now?
Yes.

If you are being extremely quiet what does that mean?
can mean several things.
a) i'm really upset
b) i don't want to get involved
c) i'm just relaxed
d) i'm reading.

When was the last time you cried?
yesterday.

Do you have a best friend?
yes, yes i do. :)

Will you be in a relationship 3 months from now?
probably <3

Are you happy at the moment?
mostly

Are you a morning person or a night person?
very definitely a morning person.

Do you want to get married?
eventually :D

Do you think your pretty?
on my good days, yes. but those don't happen very often.

Do you have long eyelashes?
yes i do.

What are you wearing for a top right now?
AFI t-shirt

what color is it?
black

your hair is mostly?
purple.

have you dyed your hair?
um. yes.

what are you wearing tomorrow?
I have no idea!

do you wear lip gloss daily?
never.

do you wear makeup daily?
no, only occasionally.

aha! bet you didn't see this coming!

so i'm coming up to a year on this blog, and the only comment so far about it has been a request for either a photoshoot or a poem. come on, people, don't you care what you read? but i may have a *special* photoshoot planned. hah.

anyway, look at me! →
i got my hair coloured today. my dear sweet cousin, who, by the way, was the lucky recipient of the baseball scarf from the last post, was so good as to colour my hair for me, and, if i so desire, she'll make it black if i decide i don't like the purple. yes, you heard me right. it's purple. *grins* a dark and rather subtle purple, but still of a violet hue. oh yes. and i may not even go to black, the purple's kind of growing on me. cos it was originally a bit of an experiment. so yeah.

and don't i look cute with that little black bow in my hair? yeah. i do.

so yeah. that's it for now, toodles, all! ♥

test-driving a christmas present.

yes, this is march. yes, i finished it yesterday. yes, it was supposed to be a christmas present. for dec 2009. yes, i'm ashamed of my procrastination.

but damn, i did good.

and if it looks familiar, yes, it's from a movie. three guesses as to which one, and the first two don't count.



anyway. it's done, and i'm going to bed now.

faintly heard.

bass vibrations, rhythms faintly heard
a voice whispering
do you hear it too?

as if in a tunnel or through glass
only barely discernable
and yet so insistent

i can't tell one word from another
though i know i ought to,
i know it's important

am i deaf? do i have cotton in my ears?
please, help me hear it
i'm so lost

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

update on burned-down house.

so i got a ride down to my boyfriend's ex-house. the place is wrecked. the siding melted, the windows blew out - practically the only thing that wasn't completely eaten up was the garage, somehow everything inside the garage is fine.

but clothes, band gear, game systems, a sound system, books, everything else - was just gone. including my boyfriend's laptop, which had all his art on it, and all his pens and pencils and his sketchbook, plus a custom guitar he was borrowing from someone else.

and the death count was not entirely accurate: one lizard made it out.
ironically, leanne was trying to get rid of the lizards. she even offered them to me, a couple weeks back - but my mom didn't want reptiles in the house. yeah so somehow Brindy was unscathed. though his friend Stryper was not so lucky.

and now there are three sad little boxes in the backyard - one bigger one and two smaller ones, covered with a loud pink and brown afghan. RIP Trinity, Sage, Nike, Strongbow, Stryper, and two other cats whose names i don't know.

(a picture of Trinity, taken on friday.)

leanne is completely devastated right now, the boys are pretty upset too, and when i saw him yesterday, it hadn't quite hit jeff yet. so again, KEEP THEM IN YOUR PRAYERS - pretty please?

Not a joke.

so i just got a call from a friend - my boyfriend's house just burned to the ground while he was at work. the renters who were living downstairs are in hospital for smoke inhalation, and leanne was on her way to vanc. isl. to speak at a youth conference, so she's heading back now.
but for sure jeff, leanne, her two boys, and the renters and their four small kids have all lost everything - computers, band gear, plus a total death count of two lizards, three dogs, and three cats.

so if any of you blog readers pray, PLEASE DO.

question:

so it's just under a month til the first anniversary of this blog.
anybody want a special post?
eg. giveaway
photoshoot
poem
meme
???????
or just a regular sort of happy-birthday-to-squelchbaker's-blog?

help me out, here, people.

laptop piano? no.

so i've been wondering how to follow up on my last post.
but this'll do...
... dad fixed my laptop!! woot!
my dear brother sat on it one day about a year ago and cracked the screen right across. i used it for a while after, cos the crack only impeded me a very little - but then the black area started to grow somehow. so it became a big problem. so i tucked the laptop away somewhere in the hope that i'd either manage to buy a new screen, or buy a new and better laptop.
but recently, i found a new screen for about 30 bucks, i think, including shipping, off ebay.
and today, dad put it on the laptop for me. so i'm pretty excited. the silly thing is as slow as you please, and the screen resolution is frustratingly small - but heck, at least it works, right?
and then i spent a bit of the evening trying to put a piano together - i put in a whole bunch of ... bridle straps? ... i think that's what they're called. anyway, i have long skinny fingers, so i can do fiddly bridle strap stuff really easily. so that's why i was helping.
and it'll be brilliant to finally have a piano again.
but i should head for bed, i'm yawning my face off. so goodnight, all.
♥

thought of you

i thought of you today -
the way your eyes light up when you see me
the way your smile gets just that much bigger

i thought of how you hold my hand.
i love it when you do that.

and i love how you always listen whenever i'm upset
i love how you sneak up behind me to give me a hug
and my heart skips a beat or three
when you tell me i'm beautiful.

or when i fall asleep on your shoulder in the car
and you gently touch my cheek to wake me up.
i love that too.

i love it so much, that i would fall asleep on purpose if i could,
just so you would wake me up like that.

i even love little stupid things about you.
like your eyelashes.
honestly, who falls in love with eyelashes? i guess i do.
because i think yours are the most beautiful eyelashes i've ever seen.

i absolutely adore your shoulders. and your back.
and your hands. i really really love your hands.
i know, it's strange. but it's true.

you say i'm beautiful - would it sound odd to say i think you are too?

but i really really really love how much you care.
i love that you ask me how i'm doing
i love how you're always there when i need you
and that you get just that little bit jealous.

i even love that you cried
when i told you how much you hurt me.
because it tells me that you really didn't mean to,
and that you would never hurt me on purpose.

i love the way you hold me when i need a hug
i love the way you offer to fetch me a glass of water - even though i have two feet, i could do it
i love how we can talk about the strangest stuff.

hell, i just love you.

and i thought of you today - and now i miss you.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

short update

so i apologise that i've been so quiet on the blogging front lately - not much has been going on on this side of the interwebs, besides a lot of gratuitous and abortive corset drafting.
oh yeah and i got to see a pair of russian ice dancers practicing at a local rec centre.
and i bought some fabric secondhand today, some butter-yellow asian brocade with carps on it, and a giant piece of reddish cotton with a big weave, like linen.
so yeah. that's about it for me.

a test post to see if the slideshow really works

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happy valentine's!

the result of the translation a few posts back:

coming up....

so v-day is coming up soon. as in tomorrow.
ah, valentine's. the day of red and pink, roses and hearts and chocolate, little sweet sayings and tiny cards given out by elementary school kids to all their classmates, the day of couples everywhere. and, up til now, the day which i had a kind of dread for - because no one ever gave me a little tiny card (except for my best friend jessi, who gave me a little tiny v-card most years until i was about 12), or chocolates, or roses, or ... you name it, i didn't get it, cos i was always single. it was kind of depressing.
but this year - well, i'm not so depressed this year.
this year i get to share v-day with my jeff. i can't wait. :)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

thoughts.

i learned two things today.

first - despite the tastiness of homemade bread, it doesn't do grilled cheese sandwiches too well. too soft.

second - trying to dry your clothes with an iron because you're in a hurry - while it looks cool to see the steam coming off the clothes - doesn't work as well as you'd think.

a fumbling translation.

Nan emyn orthon i chent nín – man sad tôl athae enni?

O Hir tôl athae enni, Ceredir Menel ah Amar.

Eru u-davatha na talt dál lín – tira or le, ah u-deria;
tira or Israel ah u-deria, u-ben awartha hain.

E Chir tira or le – e Chir na gwath lín an fair lín;
i anor o arad u-harnatha le, u-ben i ithil o dú.

Eru hebiath...a le o naeg - tiratha or chuil lín;
e Chir tiratha tuliel a glenniel lín, hi a trí uir.

I laer o Meldarion, gwanod 121.

yes, i do have political opinions, as a matter of fact. also other stuff.

so. um. life is not as busy as it used to be, when i had a job - but i AM looking for jobs, so it's not like i'm sitting on my butt all the time. had the one interview, applied for two more jobs, haven't heard back from the interview people yet. so i'm assuming they don't want me. oh well, that's life.

oh and got to see the olympic torch run through a nearby town on sunday, that was kind of cool - but i still think the whole thing is ridiculously hyped up, and i'm still not exactly a fan of the whole olympics in vancouver plan. they all said, "we'll make enough revenue to cover the expenses, it'll be a boost to the economy, we'll get a bunch of extra business... blah blah blah..."
heh. yeah. riiiiight.
they'll not make enough off it to cover HALF the expenses of the damn thing.
PLUS with the HST (which, by the way, stands for Highly Stupid Tax, or possibly Harmonized Shit - not quite sure yet) coming in in july, the economy around here will likely have itself a proper nose-dive, with a face-plant at the end of it.
as adelai niska would say, "yes, you have had, you say, good times! i see that!"
so yeah.

in other news, band practice is tomorrow (yay!) and apparently we're changing our name back from Ekliptika to Psalm 91. which i think is a good idea, cos in some ways, "ekliptika" never felt like the band's name to me. i'm having so much fun though, i've always dreamed of being in a band, and now here it is, just dropped in my lap, and i'm enjoying every minute of it.

anyways, i think that's it for now. toodles, all.

♥

frustration

sometimes i just want to hide in a hole
a deep dark dank hole where no one can find me
a dusty black hole with plenty of spiders to keep me company
a hidey-hole in the middle of nowhere.

sometimes i want to smack myself upside the head
and do over a day where i made mistakes
i get so frustrated by the dumb things i do
i want to put myself in time-out
so i won't do anything stupid ever again.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

job interview ... (a.k.a. part II)

... is over, and went pretty well, on the whole, i hope....
of course, like anyone else, now that it's over i'm worried that i might have said the wrong thing, answered questions wrong, talked too much, or some other problem happened, whereby i would not get the job after all .... and to some extent i'm not sure if i want the job, cos it's all cash all the time, and i never liked cash when i was at winners. but it is what it is, and if i'm meant to have it, i'll get it. so there.
deep breath.
they said they'd get in touch with me pretty quick, cos they're short-staffed at present. and i might even get full-time. which would be awesome. i think. if i don't burn out first. but at least i'd never be there past 6.30 in the evening. which would be sweet! especially after winners, when i'd get out at 10 at night. argh. that was not fun. anyways. that's my life and update for the day.
toodles, all.
♥

job interview.

yes.

cover letter...

Hello
I am currently searching for a job, and my mother spotted your job posting and suggested that I email you.
At my last job I was frequently a cashier, and received several compliments on my quick and cheerful service. I have great people skills, am very flexible, and learn quickly. I ... really hate writing cover letters, because it means I'm blowing my own horn very loudly, and I hate that, but there it is. I don't know what else to say.
I have attached my resume as a PDF file.
I look forward to hearing back from you.

ponderings.

so i was thinking.

sometimes, in the morning when i'm getting dressed, i goth out. black eyeliner, black outfit, etc., et al., so on, and the like.

and then i go places during the day and people go, "oh you're goth? i remember when ________ [friend/i/daughter/son/husband/wife/niece/nephew/sister/brother] was a goth. don't worry, you'll grow out of it."

now hang on just one minute, sir/madam/thing!

a.) i'm not worried.

b.) who says i want to grow out of it?

c.) i already grew out of preppiness. i think i'm good on the "growing-out-of" front.

d.) i have fun being goth. i'm not all depressed all the time (though sometimes i am, but hell, i'm human. everyone's depressed sometimes. you really can't be "up" all the time. something's going to make you sad at some point in your life. call me cynical, but that's life on our planet.)

e.) plus, really, what's so wrong about being goth? i'm not a satanist, i'm not a witch, i don't do self-harm (that's emos) - why would i need to grow out of it? honestly?

f.) http://www.fehq.org/whatgoth.htm

and that's all i have to say about that, for now.

♥

a friendly beast to keep you company.

59% virgin. who knew. and hey are you getting tired of all my memes yet?

Ok, Here's the deal... Start with 100% and subtract 1% for everything that you've done.
Then repost as you're __% Virgin. Lowest number you have the more you've done!

1. Smoked.
2. Drank alcohol.
3. Cried when someone died.
4. Been drunk.
5. Had sex.
6. Been to a concert.
7. gotten/given a handjob.
8. gotten/given a blowjob.
9. Been verbally/sexually harassed.
10. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 95%

11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfrend before.
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
15. Been to prom.
16. Cried at school.
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.
18. Went streaking.
19. Given or received a lap dance.
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 89%

21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house.
23. Kissed a stranger.
24. Hugged a stranger.
25. Went scuba diving.
26. Driven a car.
27. Gotten an x-ray.
28. Hit by a car.
29. Had a party.
30. Done serious drugs.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 85%

31. Played strip poker/darts.
32. Got paid to strip for someone.
33. Run away from home.
34. Broken a bone.
35. Eaten sushi.
36. Bought porn.
37. Watched porn.
38. Made porn.
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
40. Been in love.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 82%

41. Made Out.
42. Laughed so hard you cried.
43. Cried yourself to sleep.
44. Laughed yourself to sleep.
45. Stabbed yourself.
46. Shot a gun.
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
50. Watched an animal die.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 78%

51. Watched a person die.
52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person.
53. Pranked somebody.
54. Put somebody in the hospital.
55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out.
56. Kissed somebody of the same sex.
57. Dressed punk.
58. Dressed goth.
59. Dressed preppy.
60. Been to a motocross race.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 74%

61. Avoided somebody.
62. Been stalked.
63. Stalked someone.
64. Met a celebrity.
65. Played an instrument.
66. Ridden a horse.
67. Cut yourself.
68. Bungee jumped.
69. Ding dong ditched somebody.
70. Been to a wild party.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 69%

71. Got caught stealing something.
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
74. Gone out with your friend's crush.
75. Got arrested.
76. Been pregnant.
77. Babysat.
78. Been to another country.
79. Started your house on fire.
80. Had an encounter with a ghost.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 68%

81. Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by.
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3 months.
85. Sat on your butt all day.
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
87. Had a job.
88. Gotten cut from a sports team.
89. Been called a whore.
90. Danced like a whore.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 64%

91. Been mistaken for a teacher.
92. Been in a car accident.
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94. Been told you have beautiful hair.
95. Raped somebody.
96. Danced in the rain.
97. Been rejected.
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.
100. Been raped.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 59%

backfiring

i don't know what to do with myself.
i'm a little lost kid trying to do the right thing
but somehow it always backfires on me.
and so here i am
sitting and trying to be good
and i don't know who i am, where i am, what to do.
home doesn't feel like home
my space feels wrong
i don't know where i am, i'm lost in the mist
help me

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

the fight - a meme you've seen before.

yes, this is a repeat from way back in May. but i felt like pulling it out and doing it again, just for the heck of it.

Directions:
1. Put your iPod, iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU WOULD SAY?
bullet proof (goo goo dolls)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
if you believe (our lady peace)

WHERE DO YOU STAND IN A CROWD?
farther away (evanescence)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
r. k. intro. (our lady peace)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE PURPOSE?
til kingdom come (coldplay)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE MOTTO?
universe and u (kt tunstall)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
to the end (my chemical romance)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
i'm not jesus (apocalyptica)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
carpe diem baby (metallica)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
only one (goo goo dolls)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
distraction (apocalyptica)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
42 (coldplay)

WHAT DOES YOUR CRUSH THINK OF YOU?
years go by (hb)

DESCRIBE YOUR SEX LIFE?
heal over (kt tunstall)

HOW DO YOU VIEW THE WORLD?
stray dog (robert pattinson)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
the end of the line (metallica)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP?
undone (lifehouse)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
swallowed in the sea (coldplay)

WHAT WILL YOUR KIDS SAY ABOUT YOU?
i'll be your baby tonight (bob dylan)

WHAT DID YOUR TEACHERS THINK OF YOU?
another time, another place (u2)

HOW DO YOUR NEIGHBOURS FEEL ABOUT YOU?
homesick (the cure)

HOW WILL YOUR FUTURE TURN OUT?
two hearts beat as one (u2)

WILL YOUR LOVE LIFE BE SUCCESSFUL?
swords crossed (klaus badelt)

WHAT DO YOU DO DURING THE WEEK?
waiting (fireflight)

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR EX?
bloodless (emery)

HOW DOES YOUR EX FEEL ABOUT YOU?
the unforgiven II (metallica)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
she loves you (the beatles)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
vibe (the rasmus)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
the joke (lifehouse)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
poor twisted me (metallica)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
we can work it out (the beatles)

ARE YOU GOING FAR IN LIFE?
every day (the rasmus)

WHAT IS A TYPICAL WEEKEND FOR YOU?
stroke (apocalyptica)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
the fight (the rasmus)

now what?

so a while back, you may remember, i was bitching about UFV's website. well i did apply for a course, eventually - the CIS program path, starting with CIS 146, intermediate web design - and i got a letter this afternoon from them, with my student ID and instructions for logging in to the website with it, and they're still processing my application.
so i logged in, and discovered i have a UFV email address now and everything. it's kind of exciting and kind of scary at the same time. and i'm just like, "oh wait i did really apply didn't i and what on earth did i get myself into?!?!?!"

oh yeah and i went for a walk this morning and passed a guy with the biggest blackest black eye i ever saw. like he just got hit last night or something, srsly.

HEY HEY READ THIS IT'S ANOTHER MEME :P

These questions will get rather deep and personal, can you take it?
i think i can.

Swear to me that you will answer them all honestly?
i'll do my best.

Are you a mean person?
can be at times, but i try not to be.

Honestly who was the last person's bed you slept in?
my own, but before that it was leanne's bed.

Where were you when you last took a shower?
in the shower. in the downstairs bathroom.

Have you ever changed in a car, what were you changing?
i've changed in a car before, i think i was putting on a skirt and taking off a pair of pants.

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
nope.

Is there someone who continuously lets you down?
hmmmm i don't think so.

Is there someone you don't want to be out of your life?
definitely.

Is there someone you want OUT of your life?
well, before i was fired, i would have said yes for sure, but now that i'm fired, that particular person isn't really in my life anymore. so now i can't really think of anyone.

Is there a night you would like to put on repeat, and live it forever?
yes, yes there is. wouldn't you like to know.

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?
several times.

What was the last thing you drank?
as in alcohol? a strongbow on friday night. as in just any ingestible fluid? tea, this morning.

Are you in a good mood right now?
ask me again when i actually HAVE a mood.

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
jeans. mmm i missed my jeans - couldn't wear them at work.

Are you wearing a ring?
seven rings, actually. hah.

Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
yep!

Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
i'm definitely a loud music kind of girl. but not so loud as to blow my ears out. hehe.

Is anything bothering you?
well, my lack of employment, perhaps - nothing else i know of, though.

Do you brush your teeth in the shower?
no - that just doesn't make sense!

When you're getting ready for something, do you listen to music?
occasionally

Is there anyone you know that deserves to get slapped?
um, probably.

What were you doing at 7:00 this morning?
showering.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care?
i would be VERY upset. like VERY VERY upset. thankfully, i don't think that's something i'll have to worry about.

Do you ever get good morning texts?
hehe yes. and i love getting them. :)

Is your hair clean?
yes yes.

What should you be doing right now?
probably cleaning my room so i can work on Teh Doomycloak tomorrow.

When was the last time you completely broke down?
probably friday when i got the boot at work.

Is your hair long enough to put in a ponytail?
nope!

Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery?
hehe yes. it's kind of fun.

Ever made a prank phone call?
nope. and i don't plan to.

"we wish you all the best, it just didn't work out..."

so, um - as of friday, my employment with winners is terminated. they fired me.

fuck.

so i am jobless. completely and totally. and kind of depressed about it, too.

on the upside, spent friday night at leanne's, and helped with her boys' fort on the mountain on saturday, and she made me poutine - first time ever having it. it was kind of odd-tasting.

so yeah. that's my life.

civilised? shoes?

so at work today i was in the fitting room again, and there was this guy with a pair of shoes. here's how the conversation went:

GUY: i found these shoes in my size and i want to buy this pair of shoes sometime. i probably shouldn't try them on, because i won't be buying them right away. is that the way to do it? because every couple of months i buy shoes. but i don't know if it's okay to try on shoes if you're not going to be buying them.

ME: it's okay to try on shoes, that's how you make sure they'll be comfortable for you.

GUY: are you sure? because i don't know if it's civilised to try on shoes. i just don't want to be uncivilised.

ME: everyone tries on shoes. it's okay.

GUY: oh, okay. i just hope it's not uncivilised...

and then he goes INTO the fitting room to try on SHOES. that's right. he doesn't use the handy benches at the ends of the shoe gondolas, he goes INTO the fitting room. and then comes out with them on, looking for a mirror, so i direct him back in there, cos that's where the mirrors are. LOL. good times.

isn't he cute?

mom picked up this adorable rat-beast from ikea for me today. isn't he so darn cute?

also, i'm trying to work out whether or not i can apply for a course at ufv. good gosh their website is not particularly intuitive or user-friendly. grr.

in other news, apparently it's band practice tonight (W00T!!! first band practice EVER for me.... hehe) - so now we're trying to work out rides and stuff for me. hah. i love it when things get complicated. so much FUN.

... never mind. practice is cancelled on account of leanne's got herself a migraine. poor leanne. :(

♥

so i was just messing around...

with my brother's wacom bamboo he got for christmas - and this is what i came up with. yes, i know, he only has two legs. but for a first time on a tablet, it's not bad, hey?
yes, i took screenshots so you can see the progression. enjoy.

i wonder.

sometimes i wonder what it would be like to die.
i wonder whether there's pain first, or whether you can't feel a thing, i wonder whether consciousness disappears, like when you fall asleep, or whether you're aware of everything that's going on, aware of all your cells slowly running down to nothing.
i wonder what it would be like when your body has stopped completely, whether you are watching from inside your head, or whether you watch from somewhere else in the room - or if you even stay in the room; maybe as soon as the last cell has stopped functioning, your soul goes straight to heaven or hell - or limbo, depending what you believe.
would you still be able to feel what's happening to your body after you've left it? would you even care? could you go back as a ghost? would you even want to?
sometimes i wonder what it would be like to die. but i don't want to yet. so it's all good.

not the usual sort of thank you letter.

sometimes i can be a royal jackass.
sometimes my feelings run away with me
and sit making irrational noises in the corner of my mind.

thank you for being there
and for listening and validating my irrationality.
thank you for letting me know
how YOU felt.

thank you for our first fight.

because it wouldn't have been the same without you.
you're the best.

i'm tired and my back is sore.

DVDs and GIR.

so i have discovered the delights of blank DVDs!

my camera takes bloody huge photos, so i'm always at my wit's end trying to make space for them. i used to put them on blank CDs - but there wasn't much room on them, so i'd have to use one CD for about a month's worth of photos, at least.
and then i went and bought DVDs. and good grief, what Stone Age was i living in? hah! i can put 9 months' worth of photos on one of those things, and STILL have room!
it's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, i tell you! GENIUS, i say!
muahahahaha!
so now i can take fifty times as many photos as i used to, and still have room for other stuff. i'm kind of pleased about that.

on another note, i got introduced to Invader ZIM on saturday - and i LOVE IT! hehe. GIR is my favourite. EVAR.

Zim: Okay, GIR, now which way is home?
GIR: It's this way... Or maybe that way. Oh, I don't know.
Zim: How can you not know? I just recharged your guidance chip.
GIR: Oh, I took it out.
Zim: Took what out?
GIR: The guidy...chippy...thingy.
Zim: Why would you do that?
GIR: To make room for the cupcake!

a lollipop is here.

happy healthy elephants are dancing on the sky,
an apple-flavoured bicycle is wearing pumpkin pie
have you seen the circus clown that's got a silver nose
or pirouetted with a bun around the garden hose?

it's been a while...

well. that was another fairly intense weekend.

friday night, i got picked up by my boyfriend to go out to his house for the evening, and on the way there was a phone call from leanne to pick up drinks. so we got a 4-pack of smirnoff triple black coolers, and another 4 of strongbows. the boyfriend and i had a just a cooler and a half each, didn't even touch the strongbow - and good gosh the two of us were both pissed drunk right away. heh. such lightweights as we are. i think i won't be having a cooler again for a while.
it's funny though, once i'm tolerably tipsy i tend to sit straight up with my hands in my lap, all proper, and i don't slouch so much. i wonder why.

and then saturday i felt miserable. i was properly hung-over, like anyone who got drunk on a friday night ought to have been, and it serves me right, too.
and then in the evening me and jeff and leanne and a large pack of small boys all went to see The Spy Next Door. it has jackie chan in it - and i think it's the only movie i've seen him in that has more character development for him than kung-fu. i liked it. it was funny and cute and had fighting in it. and russians with incomprehensible accents. and of course the russian lady's name was tatiana. very predictable. lol.

and then went to church on sunday morning. and in the afternoon, i was cameraman for my brother's Media Arts project for school - or rather, i was Institution Security and he was the patient. heh. he was being a madman. he didn't do too badly either.

oh yeah and apparently i talked in my sleep ALL NIGHT saturday night/sunday morning. i didn't even know i talked in my sleep at all. oh well, learn something new every day, right?

so yeah.

and in a week, jeff & i will have been going out for six months. :D i'm kind of happy about that. hehe

♥

attacked?

so three posts in one day, that's got to be a record for me.

anyways, managed to stop in at leanne's this evening and acquire a copy of psalm 91's album Shelter - psalm 91 being the original name of Ekliptika.

however, leanne forgot to tell jeff that i was coming (even though it was only going to be a very short stop-in-grab-cd-and-leave type deal). so i come in the door, and come upstairs, and all i see is red sweater coming straight towards me. yes, i was attacked by a flying red ninja boyfriend. hehe. got picked right up and spun around. i think he missed me. :P

and then there's the song on the cd with the brit punks saying oi. makes me laugh EVERY TIME.

anyway. bedtime for me, work at 7.30 tomorrow.

Cobwebs and green hills

in front of me, i see a wall.
a horrid dusty mean cobwebby wall.
it stares at me and dares me to knock it down.
but i can't, i'm too weak.
it holds me in and keeps me out
imprisons and excludes me
it lies between me and somewhere else.
sometimes i sit in the corner
and imagine the world on the other side
a world of soft green hills
of mountains and woods
streams to ford and cliffs to scale
rain and snow and sun and mist
and adventures of all sorts.
but here i am inside the wall.
kept in and kept out
alone in the dust and the cobwebs.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

phosphor bronze light

so this morning i was quietly sitting in my bed, minding my own business, when i hear this "twang" sound from somewhere in my room.

"oh no," i think to myself, "something's fallen on my guitar." (meaning my acoustic)

so i look over at my guitar, and nothing has moved anywhere in the vicinity of my guitar. no broken strings, nothing. so i investigate my closet, where i keep my classical guitar (which i never play anymore) and and i find that the D string has randomly snapped, without rhyme or reason. nothing was leaning on it, nothing fell on it. it just broke.

of course, it was bought in scotland six years ago, and we didn't put new strings on it then, so who knows how old those strings were. but anyhow. i figured it was time to buy new strings. i needed new ones for the acoustic anyways.

so i went on a shopping trip.

walked down to the rec centre and bought a sheet of bus tickets, and used one of those to bus across town to the music store. picked up a set of nylons and a set of phosphor bronze lights. then i figured 11.15 was close enough to lunchtime to warrant a stop at A&W. mmmm cholesterol.

so then i got home and de-strung both guitars entirely, and took a damp cloth to them. they're both old, and hadn't had their strings changed in a while, so they were GRIMY. they're cleaner now. yay!

and so i strung two guitars this afternoon. first time i've ever strung a guitar. i'm so proud of myself. and the acoustic sounds like a gazillion times better. srsly.

the classical's still trying to get used to the new strings, so it doesn't sound as amazing. but that's okay. once the strings stretch out a little, it should be fine.

i'm so happy about the acoustic though :)

hurrah for new strings!